a means to an end

a kinda rude phrase, that title. belittling entities as means for a grand end.

Kant's "an end in itself", that's more like it.

everything is an end, and also a beginning.

just like ouroboros, one of my favorite creature.

picture taken from here


div si lamban

maybe i should've tried to stay not high the moment i realized what i feel.

i think i heard phrases, like, missing, but i have no idea who's missing who, or what, or which one of us that said that.


but we're living in the different lanes,
urang jalan angkot, maneh transjakarta?


this is the second time.

i feel kinda giddy all around my body even just thinking about it.

am in the middle of thinking of what should i say to my counterpart in my internship place. uhm, kerja praktek sih, to be exact.

kedua kalinya div kp.

in a couple of months, div bakal bergulat dengan data lagi, sekarang namanya bukan tugas akhir tapi thesis.

next march, idealnya draft thesis udah masuk kampus dan nunggu sidang. in parallel, me should have gotten a place to work.

october, graduation. bulannya tepat pas div jadi seperempat abad.
dan di umur segitu masih jadi tanggungan orang tua? dude.

div grogi.
semangat div mulai turun.
div mulai ngerasa tujuan div ga seberapa.

...tapi itu kan tujuan div yah, gaperlu dibandingin sama yang lain, nanti kalo udah dapet semua baru cari lagi tujuan baru, and the cycle should goes on and on and on and on.

so what to say, what to say....



current mood: jack johnson's banana pancakes

it's an essential thing to keep on your principle, since its existence proves yours. 

but in the contrary, you're a human. being one means there's a huge possibility, if not definitely, that your principle will clash with others'. at some point, when the outcome of the clash if none wants to change would be too high, or you consider that other people is worth the pain, you will opt to do some compromises.

and that, is why i do.

the decision to compromise some of your way in life should be done with your consent, without destroying your core of principle.


div wants more

when div wants something, 
she'll do anything with all her might to make it belongs to her.

then she'll prove to the world that it is hers to have.

and she'll try as best as she can to keep it hers.

and when the time comes for that thing to move to other's possession,
be it may that div feels reluctant to give it out, 
she'll cast it loose voluntarily.

because the only constant thing in life is inconsistency.

...and there she goes, wandering once again, searching other things to be pursued.